Getting affairs in order

Hopefully your parents will have made a Lasting Power of Attorney and will have made a Will. If not, it is very important to get these documents in place as soon as possible. Elderly parents can find discussing these subjects quite difficult and they might refuse point blank to even consider them! It might help if you can offer some examples of how helpful having these documents in place can be. Give a couple of scenarios where it would be difficult for you to act for them without a Lasting Power of Attorney in place and also how important it is for them to make a Will so that their wishes are followed after death. Keep talking and hopefully they will see that this makes sense.

Facing denial, anger and frustration

People who are losing control and independence over their life will be feeling scared and frustrated, which can result to angry outbursts. Try to keep calm and don’t resort to arguing. It is sometimes a good idea to introduce someone as a befriender first, someone who can help a little around the house and take your parent out for a coffee. It will be helpful for your parent to build up a relationship with a potential carer first and this is a useful way to find out how your parent is really feeling and coping  

Lets Talk

Sitting down with your parent and trying to open a conversation about how they are managing can be tricky.  Try making a list of things they are struggling with together and let them take the lead. Offer some solutions, maybe a cleaner or a gardener will take the pressure off. Start slowly, and try to imagine how scary it must feel to have to face the fact that you are not coping as well as you used to.

Above all, be patient.

What do you do if you know your parent is not coping but they don’t agree?

This is a very sensitive situation.  After all, how would you feel if you felt your independence was at risk? It is important not to point out problems as this will may make them feel worse and become defensive.  Try to offer more support and strategies to make their life easier.  This is not always easy, particularly now most of us are juggling work and families, as well as elderly parents.

Great news from Independent Review Panel

In 2015 a client contacted me when his wife's NHS continuing healthcare funding was reviewed and taken away, he asked for help with an appeal. The CCG upheld their decision and I asked NHS England to look at the case. I believed that Mrs N continued to meet the criteria for 100% funding - she had not improved, in fact she had deteriorated significantly. NHS England organised an Independent Review Panel which took place in January this year. I heard this week that the IRP's recommendation is that the CCG's decision was unsound and that Mrs N was in fact eligible for 100% funding. We look forward to a repayment of 3 years care fees plus interest.

Having a snow day

Having a snow day at home today and spending some time reflecting on some recent cases. So many people contact me for help to understand  the complexities of social/nhs care - why is it so difficult?  I took a call this morning from a lady from Leicester who is beside herself with worry, her mum who suffers from dementia is in hospital and her care home are refusing to take her back, as her needs have increased. The hospital are pushing for discharge and the poor daughter is desperately trying to find a care home, which is suitable, meets the LA rates and nearby (as she doesn't drive). Social Services are telling her that the social worker that had been managing her mums case, has now closed the file. This is why I left social services and became an independent care advisor.

Should we think more about the future?

We are all so busy living our lives and perhaps neglect to think about the future.  If you find you are suddenly needing to think about care, maybe for yourself or someone else, some independent care advice can really help. The information that you will need to find out about and understand can be overwhelming...and that is without considering the emotions and possible financial issues.  We at The Care Advice Centre can help during these times. Having support to explore your options and help you to put things in place can be extremely reassuring.

Call us on 07766490473 for a chat about how we can help you or drop us an email on info@care-advice-centre.co.uk

www.care-advice-centre.co.uk