Getting affairs in order

Hopefully your parents will have made a Lasting Power of Attorney and will have made a Will. If not, it is very important to get these documents in place as soon as possible. Elderly parents can find discussing these subjects quite difficult and they might refuse point blank to even consider them! It might help if you can offer some examples of how helpful having these documents in place can be. Give a couple of scenarios where it would be difficult for you to act for them without a Lasting Power of Attorney in place and also how important it is for them to make a Will so that their wishes are followed after death. Keep talking and hopefully they will see that this makes sense.

Facing denial, anger and frustration

People who are losing control and independence over their life will be feeling scared and frustrated, which can result to angry outbursts. Try to keep calm and don’t resort to arguing. It is sometimes a good idea to introduce someone as a befriender first, someone who can help a little around the house and take your parent out for a coffee. It will be helpful for your parent to build up a relationship with a potential carer first and this is a useful way to find out how your parent is really feeling and coping  

Lets Talk

Sitting down with your parent and trying to open a conversation about how they are managing can be tricky.  Try making a list of things they are struggling with together and let them take the lead. Offer some solutions, maybe a cleaner or a gardener will take the pressure off. Start slowly, and try to imagine how scary it must feel to have to face the fact that you are not coping as well as you used to.

Above all, be patient.

What do you do if you know your parent is not coping but they don’t agree?

This is a very sensitive situation.  After all, how would you feel if you felt your independence was at risk? It is important not to point out problems as this will may make them feel worse and become defensive.  Try to offer more support and strategies to make their life easier.  This is not always easy, particularly now most of us are juggling work and families, as well as elderly parents.